A few thoughts on motherhood...

This blog is supposed to be about me and not my kids, but I've been a mom for almost 18 years.  It's part of who I am so I think it's a fair topic.  I've been a stay-at-home mom since before my children were born.  I spent seven weeks of my pregnancy in bed and much of the first year after their birth stuck at home with two infants and no car.  Honestly, it's been a sacrifice at times.  Those first five years before they started school seemed to last forever.  I honestly can't say I enjoyed anything about spending all day feeding and changing babies.  There were some fun times when they were toddlers but it was still exhausting work.  I think I did a pretty good job despite not always loving what I was doing.  I played with them and read to them and when they were 3 we started having "home preschool" where I taught them colors, shapes, numbers and letters, and we played games and made crafts.  At 4 years old they started real preschool and I got a little bit of a break while they spent a few hours away from me.  That's about the time I started working at our family business.  It was only a few hours a week while the kids were at preschool, and it gave me a little spending money but also used up the free time I'd been looking forward to.  I got more of a break when they started kindergarten and then the longer days of first grade and beyond.  All through grade school I volunteered in the classroom, partly to see how they were doing in school academically and socially, and partly because I really enjoyed spending time with them and their friends.   Parenthood really started to get fun for me when they were in middle school.  They were independent enough to do their homework without being reminded and they started to experience more things outside of school and home.  They were old enough to have real conversations with and they were really a lot of fun. About that time I started to have church responsibilities that let me be an almost-mom to lots of other teenagers.  I think I was born to raise teenagers.  I love it when my kids invite all their friends over to our house.  I love to hear them laugh and play, I don't mind it when they're noisy, and I'll gladly feed and take care of all of them.

I had thought that as my kids got older it would be best for me to get a "real job" to help with the added expenses that come along with teenagers.  I didn't do that, choosing instead to keep my very part-time job so I can be available whenever my kids need me.  I can honestly say I'm glad I made that decision.  I'm grateful for all the times I'm able to greet my kids at the door after school, ask about their day, congratulate them on their accomplishments and hug them when things haven't gone so well.  I'm glad I can drive to school in the middle of the day to deliver a forgotten lunch or assignment.  I'm glad I can answer a text or email from my kids or from one of my many "other kids".  I thought motherhood would be less work at this stage and in some ways it is.  I don't have the constant drudgery of cleaning up after babies, but I still have a lot of laundry to do and the clothes are bigger.  The problems are bigger too.  A kiss and a bandaid used to fix most things, but not any more.  There are big decisions to be made and big issues to deal with.  The successes are huge, but so are the disappointments.

Overall, despite the sacrifices and challenges, motherhood is the biggest and best part of my life.  I'm grateful for all the children (most of whom are too old to want to be called children) who call me Mom, Mama, or friend.

Ashley's clone

Yes, I'm so sad that my kids will be leaving in less than a year that I've started making duplicates.  Well, maybe not exactly.  I've been trying to do some sewing for Ashley but it's hard because she's never home to try anything on.  I've seen instructions for making duct tape dress forms before, but I finally decided to do it.  There were actually two reasons for this.  First, I really do need to try things on Ashley more often than she is home, and second I wanted her to learn how to do this so she could make a dress form for me.  I thought it was kind of a fun project, but then I was the one taping, not the one becoming ever more tightly encased in a duct tape straight jacket.  It was really pretty simple:  I taped strips of file folder together and taped it down her back (to protect her from scissors later), put an old t-shirt on her, and wrapped her in 3 layers of duct tape (short strips, to conform to the curves).  Two hours later I cut straight up the back, through the duct tape and t-shirt, and there was my Ashley double!  We still need to stuff it and decide how to mount it, but I can pretty much do the rest without her.  Now I have no more excuses, I better start sewing.

Random thoughts on our trip to Europe

During the second week of our vacation we stayed near Marbella, Spain. It’s a beautiful city on the Mediterranean, and a popular vacation destination for tourists from the UK. I can certainly understand why. I’m sure England is beautiful, I’ve never been there, but I associate it with the color gray. I like gray, but it makes me think of cloudy skies, drizzly rain, and cold damp air. Marbella on the other hand is white. Not stark white like a blank canvas, but the white of a whitewashed village, soft white linen, and fluffy clouds. It’s the kind of white that makes me think of a warm dry summer day. If I had to pick between the two I’d pick Marbella, and apparently a lot of English people feel the same way. Much of the hotel staff seemed to have moved to Marbella from Enland about 15 years ago. The area seemed to be a combination of the two cultures. Many signs were in Spanish and English, most people we talked to spoke English, and the grocery store we went to sold frozen Yorkshire puddings. I’m pretty sure that’s not a Spanish food!

The Spanish - English mix made me think a lot of California. We’ve got a similar situation, with two cultures trying to coexist. I wonder if the people of Spain feel threatened in any way by the encroachment of English language and culture. I wonder if the English immigrants feel welcome in their new home. I wonder if the children learn both languages in school. I realize there are also some huge differences between the two situations so they shouldn’t be compared too closely, but it certainly gives me something to think about.

The shrinking difference between cultures was apparent everywhere we went in Europe. We didn’t feel the need to buy any types of souvenirs (except for some soccer jerseys) because pretty much everything we saw in the stores there was identical to what we could buy at home. Ashley said even the street vendors were selling the exact same sunglasses and purses in Rome as they were in NYC (and in both places they disappeared almost instantly when the police showed up). We thought it was funny that the best Italian food we had on the trip was at a restaurant in Spain. I think when you combine cultures you generally end up with something better (my apologies to Naples, but I prefer American pizza), but I also think it’s important to find a way to preserve culture as well. I was really intrigued by something I learned in Morocco. While on a bus tour, the tour guide pointed out some new houses being built, and he said it was a requirement that each of those homes have one room built with traditional architecture and decor, all hand-crafted. They do that to preserve their culture, create jobs for local artisans, and ensure that a new generation is taught those traditional arts. Somewhere in there is a lesson to be learned.

Ashley's favorite Indian food

Chicken Tikka Masala

Serves 4 – 6

This dish is best when prepared with whole-milk yogurt (like Brown Cow brand), but low-fat yogurt can be substituted. For spicy dish, leave the ribs and seeds in the chili; for a mild dish, remove them. Serve with rice.

Chicken Tikka:

½ teaspoon ground cumin

½ teaspoon ground coriander

¼ teaspoon cayenne (ground red pepper)

1 teaspoon salt

2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts

1 cup plain whole-milk yogurt

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

2 teaspoons minced garlic

Masala Sauce:

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 medium onion, diced fine (about 1 ¼ cup)

2 teaspoons minced garlic

1 serrano chili, minced

1 tablespoon tomato paste

1 tablespoon garam masala

1 28-ounce can crushed tomatoes

2 teaspoons sugar

½ teaspoon salt

2/3 cup heavy cream

¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions:

For the Chicken: Combine cumin, coriander, cayenne, and salt in a small bowl. Sprinkle both sides of chicken with spice mixture, pressing gently so mixture adheres. Place chicken on a plate, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 30 – 60 minutes. In large bowl, whisk together yogurt, oil and garlic and set aside.

For the Sauce: Heat oil in large Dutch oven over medium heat until shimmering. Add onion and cook, stirring frequently, until light golden, 8 – 10 minutes. Add garlic, chili, tomato paste, and garam masala; cook, stirring frequently, until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Add crushed tomatoes, sugar and salt; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in cream and return to simmer. Remove pan from heat and cover to keep warm.

While the sauce simmers, adjust oven rack to upper-middle position (about 6 inches from heating element) and heat broiler. Using tongs, dip chicken into yogurt mixture (chicken should be coated with thick layer of yogurt) and arrange on wire rack set in foil-lined rimmed baking sheet or broiler pan. Discard excess yogurt mixture. Broil chicken until thickest parts register 160 degrees on instant-read thermometer and exterior is lightly charred in spots, 10 – 18 minutes, flipping chicken halfway through cooking.

Let the chicken rest 5 minutes, then cut into 1-inch chunks and stir into warm sauce (do not simmer chicken in the sauce). Stir in cilantro, adjust seasoning with salt, and serve.

Make ahead tips: The sauce can be made ahead of time and refrigerated in an airtight container for up to 4 days. I would think it could be frozen as long as you don’t add the cream until after it’s defrosted and heated.

I had to look at 4 grocery stores before I found garam masala. Look for it in the McCormick spice section. I think I found it at Safeway. Not all stores carry whole milk yogurt either. I found it in the organic dairy section at Raley’s.

The original recipe, in Cook’s Illustrated magazine (Sept./Oct. 2007), calls for 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger in the yogurt mixture and 2 teaspoons grated fresh ginger in the masala sauce (added with garlic and chili), but I really don’t like ginger in anything but cookies.

Adventure Awaits

I've spent the last few weeks getting ready for our big trip to Europe. I actually really hate to fly and don't particularly like to travel in foreign countries, especially when I don't speak the language. Rick has therefore taken care of all travel plans to save me from a major anxiety attack. I am looking forward to a week on a cruise ship where I don't have to cook or clean, and I think I'm looking forward to exploring each port a little. Mostly I'm looking forward to reading the books and magazines I've been stockpiling for the last month.

I had this grand idea a few months ago that I was going to sew myself a new wardrobe for this trip. There are two reasons for that: 1. I've decided to brush up on my sewing skills since I'm looking for some time-consuming hobbies, and 2. I find it completely impossible to buy clothes that fit me properly, or even that fit me well enough to have them altered. Well I got a little sewing done, but by no means do I have a new wardrobe. Oh well, that gives me something to work on when I get back. At least the lack of clothing has made packing easy. I just put everything I normally wear in a suitcase, which was then only about 3/4 full. Yay, more room for books! Anyway, I hope to post some of my sewing adventures when I have time to actually have those adventures. In the meantime, Europe awaits! (And there's apparently a great fabric store in Rome, really close to the Pantheon. Too bad the clerks there don't speak English!)

My Favorite Food

I thought I'd start off with something that really makes me happy. I enjoy food in general, but I wouldn't say it makes me happy - except for this dish. I ate it yesterday when I was in a bad mood and sure enough, I can't be unhappy when I'm eating it!

Thai Chicken Sauté

(based on a recipe in Cooking Light, March 2007)

4 cups prepared rice

2 chicken breasts, cut into strips or pieces

1 tablespoon corn starch

1 tablespoon fish sauce

4 teaspoons canola oil

1 cup sliced onion

2 teaspoons bottled minced garlic

1/2 can of coconut milk

1 tablespoon Sriracha (hot chile sauce)

1 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon lime juice

2 tablespoons chopped cilantro (optional)

Heat 1 teaspoon of the oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook to desired texture (I like mine soft, but some people like them still crunchy). Add garlic to pan and cook one minute more. Remove onion and garlic mixture from pan.

Toss chicken with cornstarch and fish sauce. Heat remaining tablespoon of oil in the pan, add chicken to pan and sauté 5 minutes or until done. Meanwhile mix together coconut milk, Sriracha, sugar and lime juice. When chicken is done, add coconut milk mixture and onion mixture to pan. Cook until everything is hot, about a minute.

Serve chicken mixture over hot rice and sprinkle each serving with cilantro.

Makes 4 - 5 servings

This recipe is fairly spicy, so if you don't like spicy foods you should cut back on the Sriracha. If you double the recipe you can freeze half of the chicken mixture after it's cooked and heat it up for dinner another night. Plus you won't end up with half a can of leftover coconut milk.